Surf Shine- through surf, we shine. Like the sun shines, the brilliance of who we are can be seen & if you connect to it, felt too- like sunshine, only a visual sensation when you stand in the shade but if you expose yourself to it, you can feel the warmth of the rays.
It took me three days to write this blog because so many thoughts were overwhelming me they kept me distracted & made it hard to focus on one idea. As you read you'll find tangents I felt inclined to include but I tried to keep a main focus, ultimately- what surfing is to me.
Maybe, I'm silly for thinking this but in my crazy dream world I sometimes live in (who am I kidding, I live in it all the time); I want someone to fall in love with my surfing because if they fall in love with my surfing, they fall in love with me.
This is who I am when I surf- honest.
When I surf my body, my mind, my heart are in the moment. I hold nothing back, except for what I fear and that is true in life. When I surf my abilities, flaws, passion, love, energy, determination, dedication, potential, aggression, fear, pride; every "thing" that defines me is out there on display. Sitting in the line-up, going for a wave, hesitation, dropping in, riding, cutting back, falling, getting tossed- there I am, see me in all of my glory, in all of my inferiority. There aren't many things more humbling that keeps me honest like surfing does.
I wrote previously that, "as much as I love surfing, life is so much more than that." I don't live to surf but surf is much more than an activity I do for exercise; surfing and life are correlated. Surfing is the physical exhibition of my soul, my outlet, my vehicle of artistic expression of a culmination of life experiences and emotions. That emotional, physical, mental avenue of expression is different for everyone, maybe it becomes your life and allows you experience new things and takes you to new places but I'm not at a level where I can experience everything I want to through surfing (most of the times I wish for that but such is not reality), there's so much I want to do, see, and feel outside of the water.
Life Therapy.
When I stop to think about it, I realize the joy I feel in the water is the same emotion felt when something makes me really happy any where, any place in my life and visa versa the bone-shaking fear I feel in the water I feel when I think about how to deal with mortality- a concept I have trouble comprehending. Seeing a huge set rolling in, dark ominous mountains steadily approaching frightens me, sometimes I get so scared I start to shake, but still I paddle farther out and pray that I'm not in the impact zone. The wave breaking is inevitable almost predictable but there is still a mystery about it, it's the unknown that unnerves me. So far I've been successful in surviving these terrifying episodes & it's the courage I felt, the process of calming myself down, breathing, and taking things as they come I draw upon to remind myself that I have the courage & heart to make it through the tough stuff.
Surfing is not life but an expression of it.
When I surf I show you my soul- pure emotion, physical strength, even my deepest fears. I cannot imagine living without the sensation of self-expression I get from surfing; but, if I found that fulfilment in something else, I can honestly say I could stop surfing and one day there will be something else. But for now, I feel free- when I surf I feel like "me."
Weirdly yours,
-K
WOW!!!
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